Self Care
Image Description: grey tabby cat naps snuggled up with a plush cat toy
What is self care? Is it relaxing in a bubble bath? Painting your nails? Binge watching your favorite TV show? So often I hear therapist ask clients and even each other, “are you practicing self care”? When what they really mean is, are you giving yourself a break? Are you doing things you enjoy. Don’t get me wrong, allowing ourselves rest and enjoyment, as much as we are able, is so important. But, often this question is posed as if YOU are doing something wrong if you are not resting. “Why aren’t YOU practicing self care?”. This is something we cannot be guilted into and is not something we can do alone. So many therapists talk about “self care” as if it means bubble baths and going for a walk outside. Self care is not just these individual and temporary sources of respite. If you have trouble finding time for these forms of self care or if they do not sustain you, that does not mean you are doing anything wrong.
We need to expand the conversation on self care. When talking about self care to talk about harmful workplace culture, capitalism, toxic individualism, and systems of oppression. I would like to see more talk about changing systems and more talk about community supports. I think we focus way too much on individual self-care and not enough on dismantling toxic structures and building healing community. I want to see more discussion of healthy interdependence. I want more discussion of breakdowns and bad days as part of the human experience. Let’s talk about the impact of struggling with poverty and discrimination on self care. Let’s talk about unlearning unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others.
For today’s mental health practice, try to reimagine what caring for yourself looks like in a way that is NOT individualistic and that takes systemic factors into account
Some prompts (pick one or two to focus on):
Who is someone you admire (either in real life or in the media) in terms of how they show up for themself?
What does a not-self-harming way of showing up for your community/causes that are important to you look like?
What helps you ask for help? What helps you challenge the ideas that you are a burden if you ask for help? What helps you challenge the idea that you have have to do this (whatever this is) on your own?
What support exists in your community to help you? What supports are missing? Are there people you can ask do to some of that emotional labor to look for/help build additional supports?
How have you been tending to shame, guilt, or fear? What tools might help you approach this discomfort more mindfully and with less avoidance?
Alternatively, what might help you recognize that you aren’t in a place to tackle this yet and right now you need rest?
What does emotional respite look like, feel like, sound like?
When do you feel the most yourself? When do you feel you can truly connect with your values? Passions? Hopes? Community?
What people, places, practices, etc help you challenge dominant narratives around how you are “supposed” to be, feel, think, or look?
What stories do you want to be telling about yourself to yourself (e.g. stories about strength, resilience, etc). ? How can you rethink what you are already doing this way?
What emotional weights are carrying from others expectations about you? How would you show up differently if you didn’t have to apologize for how you are and who you are?
Partially inspired by this article about self care:
https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/reclaiming-my-self-care-beyond-baths-wine/
