I feel bad- now what?
So I’ve been thinking about how overwhelmed we get by uncomfortable feelings and how vague and ethereal the solutions tend to be- “have you tried going outside” or “what about yoga?”. And it’s not that going outside or yoga is bad but 1. chances are you’ve already thought if this on your own and 2. if it was accessible you would have done it or 3. you are already doing it.
Often we go between extremes- wanting to either avoid the uncomfortable feeling entirely or wallow in it/analyze it/get stuck in it. Neither of these feels good or sustainable- at least not for me.
I also wanted to come up with a way to cope with uncomfortable feelings that felt more accessible to neurodiverse folks- more formulaic, clear, step by step. Finally, I also wanted it to be easy to personalize. So, I made this list to break down how to cope with uncomfortable emotions.
**Brief definition of terms - an uncomfortable emotion is an emotion you have a had time sitting with (often sadness, grief, fear, panic, loneliness, but also sometimes joy or excitement).
So, here’s my step by step guide for when you feel an uncomfortable emotional
Name that you are feeling uncomfortable
Give the feeling a name (it can be a more conventional name like anxiety or it can a noise like “bllehh” or it can be a image or it can be a description like “body chaos feeling”)
Give yourself some self compassion for experiencing that uncomfortable feeling.
Feel it (suggested time is 30 sec to 5 min- actually feel the feeling- this can mean drawing the feeling, talking about it, noticing sensations in your body, letting your body express what it naturally wants to express (e.g. scream, cry)- but actually feeling it or being with the feeling- not pushing it away, analyzing it, etc).
Use a coping tools
Option 1: Speed up coping tools. Some examples include: dancing, going for a walk, playing with your cat, stream of consciousness writing.
Option 2: Slow Down coping tools. Some examples include: breath work, journaling, check in with all 5 senses and name what you are noticing.
Option 3: Connect coping tools. Some examples include: venting about something you are going through, sharing silly stories or anecdotes with friends, playing a game with a friend.
Check back in- still very overwhelmed? try another. Did the coping tool help a little? pick another from the same category? Didn’t help? Pick one from a different category.
Remind yourself that this feeling will peak and then it will fall- it’s okay to be hurting
See if you can identify a current unmet need that might be impacting the uncomfortable feeling. (if this feels too hard to identify just something might help big picture)
Identify what might help address that unmet need
Identify the smallest possible step
Take that step
Example:
Something uncomfortable is coming up
sadness/loneliness
This is hard right now
Feeling the prang of pain my my chest, the wobbling in my gut, the anxious tingling that comes with it, the heaviness in my body.
Cuddling a soft blanket, talking to a friend about what’s going on, hydrating
All of those helped a little, things are still hard- probably going to be a while. But also feeling a little drained- think some humor might help- watching something that makes me laugh/smile on youtube.
This feeling is gonna be here a while- not forever- but it’s okay right now
Probably needing more downtime, rest.
Nix any non-essential responsibilities the rest of this week
In this moment- go to bed early.
night!
